This blog is a chance for us to tell our story and shine the light on the God who wrote it.

It is also a place for me to bring into the spotlight the millions of orphans around the world who are waiting for the Body of Christ to fulfill God's command to "care for orphans and widows in their distress" (James 1:27)

Soli deo Gloria... (All Glory to God Alone).


Not On Our Radar

(So I'm gonna leave you hanging here as I am planning on writing this in a few posts so none are too long :-) )

Adopting M was not our idea. We both knew that we wanted to adopt again and had our ideas of what that would look like. We would adopt a girl, maybe about four years old.. from Ethiopia or domestically... and we would wait until B was in Kindergarten. Because God knows we have our hands full right now. I mean, if everyone that sees me in the grocery store with all three kids remarks that I have my hands full, surely God knows, too. That is what I thought. Because that is how I looked at it then.

But then one night I was looking at this girl staring back at me on a computer screen. She was a 'waiting child' from China. I had not intended to see her. (It is easier if you do not see.) I was innocently checking a blog to see an update on a friend's new daughter from China. I did not know that she primarily uses her blog to advocate for waiting children in China.

So there I sat, looking at “Mandy”. And I knew why she was there. Only “special people with a unique calling” adopt children like her. She had special needs. It should have been really easy for me to pass her by. And, believe me, I tried. I simply closed the computer and went on my way. But I could not stop thinking about her. Days went by and I convinced myself to not think of her. I was 100% sure that we could not adopt her and that God would never call us to something like that. He knows me. He knows I am too weak. So I forgot about it.

One week later. I sat on my porch, Bible opened, praying. Asking God how I had gone from feeling so very close to Him in previous months to all of a sudden feeling distant, disconnected somehow. I wondered if I had done something to distract myself from seeing God. Lord, I really want to know. What is it that has come between you and me? And only one word came to my mind. Mandy. For real?!? What am I supposed to do about her? I am certain you would not have us adopt a little girl that is going to need heart surgery. We have three young children, one income, a small house, and you know I am too weak. That is just simply not possible! But there were no more answers. Just Mandy.

That night I looked at her picture again. This time with my Bible open in my lap. I would look and then in my heart say “This is just my silly emotions. I am just being a 'bleeding heart'.” I listed off one by one all of the reasons why even considering the adoption of a child with special needs, like Mandy, was ridiculous. After each one, I opened my Bible to whatever page it opened to and I read. And each verse was a direct answer to the doubts I had just expressed.

“Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.”Luke 1:45

But how, Lord?

“The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you... For nothing is impossible with God.” Luke 1:35,37

By now I was a little angry, to be honest. This was someplace I did not want to go with God. Yes, I wanted to adopt again, but this was too much and I am not enough and I did not want to get in over my head and drown...

I slammed my Bible shut and closed the computer. But I was forming a plan that would get this taken care of really quick. I would simply tell S. He would be totally blindsided, agree that I was just being idealistic or emotional to even entertain the thought, and basically just freak out. That would be the end of that!

No comments:

Post a Comment