This blog is a chance for us to tell our story and shine the light on the God who wrote it.

It is also a place for me to bring into the spotlight the millions of orphans around the world who are waiting for the Body of Christ to fulfill God's command to "care for orphans and widows in their distress" (James 1:27)

Soli deo Gloria... (All Glory to God Alone).

1.09.2012

More Than Enough

When friends have asked lately how things are going I say that it is hard … hard, but good. So good.

There was a time, not that long ago really, when I did not think that things that were hard could be this good. I bought into the lie, albeit unconsciously, that happiness came when life was relatively smooth and comfortable. That allowing, even inviting, hard things into my life was ridiculous and would only harm me and my family. So I felt the need to control .. to protect that which I had- my kids, my health, my sanity, my marriage... But I was not always happy, and certainly not joyful.

When we began this adoption journey that led to bringing Mei home, I did not think I was ready. I did not think I had “what it takes”. Like the energy, the health, the love, the finances, the space in our home, the time... I felt like we were lacking. But it turns out that all of that is simply a matter of perspective. God said that we were ready, and that if we trusted Him He would provide everything we needed. So there must have been something wrong in my thinking.. in my perspective. I did not see things the way God sees them.

About halfway through last year, God gave me a gift that was an incredible, tangible help in seeing things His way. When I finished reading “One Thousand Gifts” and began that gratitude journal, it was like the final key to bring to light what was lacking in my perspective. I've still such a long way to go, no doubt, but I feel like at least I know the way now. So I keep counting... counting His graces, counting the ways that God loves me, all the things I am grateful for... and all of the sudden I no longer see the lack but the abundance.

How could I have missed it before?

The truth is that Jesus is more than enough in and of Himself, and if my life is open to Him I have access to “more than enough” always- I am never lacking. If I feel like my life lacks, it is not because He has not given me “more than enough”. It is because I am looking around at others... and with those eyes nothing will ever be enough.

When a woman I know from church sees me in the park, she quips, “That's good for you... that you are doing that (adoption). I could never do that; I don't have the energy. I can hardly handle the two I've got.”

(If she only knew.) I brought the same arguments to God.. and then I read Mary's words and repeated them and meant it- “I am the Lord's servant. Let it be to me as you have said.” (Luke 1:38) And all of the sudden there was more than enough.

And another woman known for her faith asks, “How do you afford that? Isn't international adoption incredibly expensive … and now you have done two?” And I wonder- does she really not know?

I remember then the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand. And how it has now taken on new meaning. Now I notice this- Jesus did not just do the miracle. “Ok, you five thousand, sit down and watch me feed you all from nothing.” He did not rain down manna this time. This time, he said to his disciples, “You feed them”. And of course, they said- “We do not have enough”. They were incredulous, probably. And I imagine, like me, they were upset with Jesus for asking them to do something that clearly they could not do.

I believe He still does this today. He speaks to the hearts of His followers and shows them a need and says “You do it”.

And I think I am like Andrew who sheepishly points out that .. well, we have this (a boy's sack lunch). I know it is not much, Lord, but here is what I have. That is how I feel- I have little to offer, but because Jesus asked and because I have this strange-crazy hope that maybe... just maybe my life could matter for something more than just me... that maybe He could see fit to use me …
Here is what I have, Lord. Thank you for it.. all of it. It is yours. I am yours.

And then the miracle. The miracle that there was enough to feed the five thousand … No, wait... there was more than enough. Enough that Jesus' disciples got to go around and each of them filled a basketful with the leftovers. Leftovers! Abundance! They started with not enough and here they are wondering what to do with the abundance.

So that is how I feel. I do not wonder now everyday if I will have enough – energy, time, love, money, faith... Because I have traded camps and now I am in the camp where we count graces not worries … we count what we have, not what we lack. I am in the camp where we stand in awe at the abundance. And even in the hard, there is this wonderful, freeing joy.

6 comments:

  1. Wow! So well said. Thank you for the challenge.

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  2. This is great encouragement...thank you! God has been blowing us away with His provision over the last week as we are nearing the time to bring home our little one from China. You are so right. We had "little" to offer, but we offered it anyway, & it's been amazing to be part of this journey!

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  3. Great post Haley! Thank you for sharing your heart and the wisdom you've gained through your journey!

    Lucas.

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  4. dardi-
    congrats! i hope you will find great joy as you bring your child home soon.
    blessings,
    haley

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  5. Haley, just found your blog - it looks like we were in GZ at the same time!!!! I recognize some of the people in your photos from wandering around Shamian! Glad to see that you are home safe and sound and in the healthy process of finding your new normal. Blessings, Donna.

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  6. that is crazy, donna- such a small world. i'm going to check now to see if you have a blog and hopefully get to 'meet' your new little one, too :-) blessings to you and your growing family!
    haley

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