This was my word. I'd come across this idea on my favorite blog. As the New Year began last January I scrapped the idea of making resolutions and asked God to give me a word. This word would go with me throughout the year to guide me and remind me of where God was leading me.
There was never a question for me what the word would be. I truly felt in my spirit that this is what God was pressing on my heart. Actually it frustrated me a bit because it felt so ... lame. I mean if you're only going to have one word shouldn't it be something profound? A word that alone makes one want to sit and ponder the depths of what it could mean.
But I knew. I knew what it meant for me. It was to be an offering to God. A putting aside of my self-importance, my whirlwind busyness ... a slowing like a sabbath that says I trust Him. A commitment to live intentionally so that I can see, acknowledge, and glorify Him in all the things I take for granted each day but were always meant to be graces that point me to His loving care.
I had my ideas of what slow looked like, and I thought I was doing a pretty darn good job at it. We have very few extra cirriculars, I was learning to linger longer with my kids, and I have become very intentional about cutting rushing out of our day. (Except that now that I think about it my son did tell me not too long ago he felt like I rushed a lot.)
Well, here it is five months later and let me tell you I am living S.L.O.W. And I keep thinking, "Lord, when I said slow, this is not what I meant!"
I did not mean stuck in bed slow. I did not mean walking like an old lady slow. I did not mean halting nearly all other activities slow.
But then there is this.
Back in January when I asked God to give me a word that He would like to be my offering to Him this year, I also asked Him for something else. I asked Him to give me a word that would be His promise to me this year. And He did.
And He got the much cooler word, by the way. The one you could sit with for hours and never fully wrap your mind around. Which is cool with me... He is God.
His promise to me was this- Redemption.
And while I can tell you today what slow looks like for me, I cannot yet tell you what redemption will look like.
But this is what I know. He will redeem. He will redeem every hour spent in bed, every ugly sob that I've poured out on that bathroom floor curled up with the nausea and the cold tile, every second I haven't gotten to spend with my kids, every dark moment when I felt alone and scared and out of control, every night I've laid on the couch and longed for the pain to cease so I could sleep.
He. will. redeem. it. all. For my good and His glory.
This is my hope. Not just that God worked redemption on that cross when He gave Himself up for us 2,000 years ago (which would be enough). But that He still redeems. Still intervenes in our world and gives of Himself to redeem broken dreams, broken hearts, broken relationships and broken bodies. My hope is in a living and active God, and it is upon His redemption I wait.
"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning."Psalm 130:5-6