This blog is a chance for us to tell our story and shine the light on the God who wrote it.

It is also a place for me to bring into the spotlight the millions of orphans around the world who are waiting for the Body of Christ to fulfill God's command to "care for orphans and widows in their distress" (James 1:27)

Soli deo Gloria... (All Glory to God Alone).

5.24.2013

His Plan. Our Joy. Part Two. The Part I Didn't Want to Write.

When I began this blog Scott and I decided to call it "His Plan.  Our Joy."  
This was a declaration of faith.  
A promise to trust.  

We were walking a new journey, one that felt scary and exciting at the same time. A wonderful adventure called "special needs adoption" that led us toward Mei.

 I wanted a place to tell our story, His story told through us in our little corner of the world.  We would write about His Plan for our family... how it scared us, how we felt ill-equipped for what lie ahead and hence unworthy of being a part of His redeeming work in the life of one of His most precious children.

On these pages I determined to share vulnerably and honestly the story of His Plan for one whom the world sees as "the least of these" yet God values most highly and called us to love most lavishly.

And we would share openly Our Joy.  The joy we have discovered through Christ as we have surrendered more fully to what He wants for our lives.  The joy that so overwhelmed us that we knew it had to be a part of our daughter's name, a way to remember the gift of joy that she is but moreso the gift of joy we found in our Father's presence as we journeyed with Him toward her.  Mei Chara (chara is the greek word found in Scripture meaning joy) has been home over a year and a half now and there is no possible way for me to describe the joy she brings to this world.





When I began this blog I was excited to write about His Plan and Our Joy.

There has been a long silence on our blog, but today I am feeling led to continue writing about His Plan and Our Joy.  This time I am not so excited.
The surrender hasn't really come yet.  Certainly my life right now is not what I had planned.  And yet I am still confident that there is joy to be found right here, however long this season lasts.


For some time now, my health has been declining.  I've had some chronic issues in the past but they would come and go- now it has all come crashing down at once.  Now for well over a month I have had an unrelenting migraine which does not respond to any medication.  Sometimes the pain is overwhelming.  On days when it relents some I am still weak, confused, dizzy ... many days the weakness alone is debilitating.  It is getting worse, not better.  There is still no diagnosis.


I am scared and sad and often lonely.  I fear this is our new normal and that I will never again be the mom and wife I want to be, the person I used to be.


For the past couple of years, I have felt that God has been breaking my heart for what the world deems "the least of these".  I told Him I would sacrifice anything to love and care for the neediest of His children.  (It is actually the big talk in the contemporary Christian world right now, so I've read tons of books on loving the broken and vulnerable.)


Now I am sitting here in my bed in a different position.   It is two o'clock on a Monday and someone else is playing with my kids, someone brought us dinner last night, a cleaning company cleans my house, and a few days ago I lay in a stupor while an ER nurse pumped nine different drugs into my broken body.  I am "the least of these".  (And this is actually not the big talk in the contemporary Christian world right now, so I have not read a single book on how to be "the least of these", how to be the broken and vulnerable.)

Trust me, it is way easier to love the broken than to be the broken.



And one voice whispers to me: "You don't matter anymore cause you can't give anymore".  

And another one whispers: "You've always mattered and now you're going to find out how much you are valued no matter what
 And when you give again ... and you will give again... you will love the broken more like Me because you've been broken just like Me."



I'm going to keep blogging.  And I am going to tell this story, because I still believe it is His Plan and will be Our Joy.
This is a declaration of faith.
A promise to trust.

I will fall short and I will write about it.  While it's happening.  But He will not fall short and I will write about that, too.  And in the end He will be proven to be the same redemptive, loving, faithful God that He has always been.

And in the end, I will be proven to be the same broken and healed, dearly loved girl still standing under that waterfall of grace.

Please pray that I will tell His Story well... Live it well.




"Should we accept only good from God and not adversity?"  Job 2:10

Habakuk 3:17-19




5 comments:

  1. Haley, wow. Your faith is inspiring. The Lord is so pleased with your heart, your joy in serving and glorifying him, and your intentional awareness of His spirt and never-ending love. This blog is a beautiful testament to the goodness of our God.

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  2. Tereva, my friend... Thank you for taking the time to comment and offer encouragement. And for just being with me that day last week when I was feeling so low. You bring so much joy wherever you go, especially when you bring that gorgeous little boy around!

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  3. Haley, sweet one,

    Just got caught up on your story and wanted to offer you my encouragement and love. I will be thinking about you and praying for you daily as you suffer this current hardship. I am blessed by your attitude and perseverance in trusting our great God and savior! Boy, do I know his love and power in moments of our weakness and fragility. He is worthy of all life's moments...joy and pain! Praying that He will comfort your soul with deep peace and give you and Scott the strength to carry on, one day at a time. You are loved, dear one! (And an inspiring writer and communicator too!)

    Love, Jessica

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  4. jessica... these words and your prayers mean so much to me, especially coming from you. i have been so blessed to 'watch' your journey from afar, via your blog and updates from berry. many prayers have been lifted on your behalf from our home :-) thank you for choosing HOPE, and therefore choosing the way of Christ... i have no doubt His kingdom is advanced through how you've chosen to live out what life has handed you. many blessings to you and your beautiful family, haley

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  5. Jessica... One more thing :-). I saw this verse and thought it was a perfect response to you as we both seek to walk our journeys in faithfulness to Him.
    "Glorify The Lord with me; let us exalt his name together." Psalm 34:3

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