Then all of a sudden I am unaware
of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful you are
and how great your affections are for me
Oh, how He loves us.... how He loves us, oh...
When I decided to share more openly about my struggles with weakness and chronic migraines it was because I wanted to find Jesus there. Right there in the darkness.
The secret to joy is to keep seeking God where you doubt He is.- A. Voskamp
And I think the rest of this quote could be, "because He is there." And every place He is is a place that can be filled with glory... a place that can be redeemed.
It's this word- "redeemed" - that has stuck with me, like a whisper from God each day reminding me that I cannot see the future and that His purposes are so much greater than mine.
This is what our God does. He takes what appears to be lost and broken and restores it beyond what it could have ever been before. He takes our mess and infuses it with His glory, causing something that should only be miserable to be a place of joy and hope.
That's the story of the cross. And it can be the story of all of those for whom the work of the cross is our only Hope.
Somewhere in the darkness a few months ago the light broke through and before the pain ever lifted I found myself surprised by joy. Those were hard days, but I was held. We were held. And when I thought that maybe my life would be defined by these bouts of illness, He reminded me that He has given me a hope and a future. And that I am defined by grace.
So redemption wins.
I am so grateful that in recent months we have made some real advancements in finding medicines that actually help me. For the past couple of months, I have enjoyed perhaps the best summer ever. Coming out of a time of illness, I soaked up every healthy day and savored my family and the sun and the summertime in a way I never would have had I not been so sick before. My heart is filled with gratitude.
But that's not all.
On many of those dark days months ago I was most discouraged not by the illness but by what I assumed was the death of a dream. For over a year and a half I had felt that God was speaking so clearly to me about the future of our family. Every scripture I studied, every devotional I read, every time I prayed seemed to confirm that indeed this was God's plan for us. Sometimes I thought I must be crazy because it all seemed so very impossible. Perhaps I was being ridiculous to think that God would speak to me.
But in the end, redemption wins.
God met us in that place of brokenness and prepared us for the next step of faith that He has for our family. I am absolutely in awe. There is a life that is so very precious to God that He would move mountains to show her His love. And by His grace... oh, his amazing grace... we get to be a part of her story.
(... to be continued...)
** This song was my soul cry for months. My desire to see "redemption win" wasn't just for me, but even moreso for the precious one He had put on my heart a year and a half ago.
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn